Sunday, February 3, 2013

Who is this woman looking back at me in the mirror

I used to be vibrant, energetic, pretty and thin. Not that my life has been easy by any means. My heart was broken to pieces by my first husband who cheated on me and had me think I was nothing. Then I met this great man that showed me how a marriage could be with love and trust but my husband found out he had cancer and we fought if for a year and the cancer took him away. Now I am married to a wonderful man who thought he was getting this vibrant, energetic, pretty and thin woman and he ended up with me and my lupus. The fact that he has stayed with me and we are now going to be married 19 years blows my mind sometimes. He is truly my best friend. It hasn't been easy but we endure all the ups and downs.

When I look in the mirror I am unrecognizable. My features, hair and build are so different that people don't know who I am when I walk into a room. I would never go to a class reunion. Seeing family members that I havn't been in touch with always looked shocked when they see me. Inside I am that very same person but I have to say that when I look in the mirror I feel like I am seeing a stranger even though it is me!!! So life is all about not being shallow and to appreciate who you are inside and I get that but what do I do with the girl in the mirror? Sometimes I think if I covered the mirrors I would be more at peace with myself.

Do I sound crazy?


  1. You don't sound crazy. You sound like every other lupus patient out there I'm sure! I've only been diagnosed just shy of 2 years, but who I see in the mirror is definitely not the same person and it is oh so frustrating. We can do this, though, and we can be strong and keep hanging on!

  2. I would love your assistance with something. I'm with sisters against lupus and you can shoot me an email to


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